IT'S OKAY TO GRIEVE FOR YOUR OLD SELF!!

 Berlena Spencer-Staton, Columnist, MSnewsChannel.com

I went to a conference in Florida last Thursday.  Friday and Saturday were spent in meetings mostly.  There were people there who usually attend every year and could see that I have progressed.  I found myself not being as sociable as I usually am.

In a small setting and around my family and friends I am okay.  They know my struggle with ms, and have seen me at worst and my best.

On Friday evening, we had a reception, and on Saturday evening we had dinner and later dancing.  We have the conference every year, and on Saturday it usually ends with a party. Saturday, while the party was going on, I sat at the table and watched everybody dance and have fun.  There were times I sat at the table and moved to the music.  My husband and I have always loved to dance, and I couldn't expect him to sit with me because of my not  being able to dance.

Our group went up front to have a photo taken.  I was still at the table, but my husband had gone to the bathroom, nobody realized it, and I was left at the table looking for my husband to come so we could be a part of the picture.  When he got back, it was over, and nobody in the group realized that we weren't there.  My emotions were all over the place, and I felt like I wasn't even a part of the group.

I really got in a mood, and I was thinking about the times I have danced and socialized, and I so wanted it and missed it.  I even took some of my frustration out on my husband.  I told him I wasn't attending the conference next year.  I finally left the party and went to my room.  I had sort of a party of my own; pity party,  and I just thought about the old me; dancing and socializing, and missing the old me.  My husband is a very understanding person, and he understood how I was feeling.

Sunday morning was a different story.  I felt better and understood that it is okay to grieve for my old self.  I have a wonderful husband that puts up with me, my mood and my attitude, 2 wonderful sons, 2 daughter-in-laws, 2 grandsons and wonderful friends!!  I am blessed!!!